A north east business man has a brilliant idea how beat the burgeoning cost of funerals. What Nicholas Cadaver jr is proposing is not a new idea, quite the contrary having been used by the seafaring community for many millenia...You have guessed it, burial at sea.
I'm surprised that Cammy and his little boy friend Cleggy missed this one.
The intention is to sew up the corpse in a bio-degradable canvas shroud and add two full size house bricks (no half measures) below the feet. This will take the corpse down to the bottom of the sixty fathom dyke, the proposed burial site just off the coast at the Northumberland village of Cullercoats.
After six months at the bottom of the cold north sea the canvas will start to slowly degrade and your nearest and dearest will begin to feed the crabs, lobsters and fishes instead of rotting away in a hole in the ground, serving no purpose other than to feed the worms. Let's face it folks the fish deserve the occasional treat because we kill enough of the poor sods every day, so why not give a little back.
At a cost of nine hundred and ninety nine quid ninety nine pence it's a bloody snip. Also saves on air pollution caused by burning and the shrouds come in several fetching shades of blue, green and red.
It's much more feasible than Millibands daft idea of grinding them up for fertiliser to help feed the third world.