Retail giants Argos and IKEA have today announced plans to merge. Their new company is to be known as Mitbullkatalog in deference to their mutual origins.
Strategically this move makes sense for both organisations. Customers of the new stores will be able to enjoy meatballs and chips whilst waiting on average 2 hours for their typical purchase of an iron they could have bought for the same price with no queues in Wilkinsons or Robert Dyas. IKEA will also be supplying Argos with over 2 million returned Billy bookcases a year to be turned into catalogues that customers can collect and use to build their own bookcases for free.
Whilst there are no hiccups expected in this gigantic merger, there is a cloud hanging over potential customers as IKEA are currently taking slander action against 200 thousand customers who in the past week alone have incorrectly asked for cranberry sauce rather than lingonberry to accompany their meatballs.
A spokesman for DFS was unable to comment, as he was busy chasing a potential customer around his store during one of the rare sales his company holds.