An object lesson in how not to supervise an office surfaced yesterday when Steve and Zoe, of hardware company, Hammer And Tongs of Kidderminster announced that they'd had a domestic following a night out at Deano's Bar And Grill (Where according to Thin Lizzy the drink will flow and the blood will spill) in the town, and that Steve had asked to swap desks again with Mike, because Zoe was being intolerable, and really getting on his nerves.
It appears that Mike was somewhat taken aback by Steve's request, and refused point blank to cooperate with Steve, which led to a positively awesome decision-making dilemma for Claire, the office supervisor.
As in: How do I keep both parties happy, whilst maintaining political correctness and Health and Safety legislation?
Wow - a real headache for all concerned.
Upon further investigation, it transpired that Steve and Zoe had encountered differences of moral compassing, the previous evening on the Deano's Bar And Grill jaunt, when a slightly tipsy Steve, at evening's end, had tried to put his hand up a passing bar patron's mini skirt and while he was at it, French kiss her. With slobbery tongues etc. In a fit of alcohol fuelled wishful thinking.
The lady in question had slapped a slightly tipsy Steve around the head, in the manner of a young Mike Tyson, knocking him to the floor in a state of drunken confuctification, as he attempted to proposition her with something possibly, but by no means certainly, immoral. Although possibly highly impractical.
Sources report that seperate taxis were called, and that Zoe spent the night in her old bed, at her mum and dad's house, crying her eyes out as she reminisced over the good old days when she didn't believe the 'Whitney on drugs' stories, or the 'George Michael may be slightly gay - possibly' stories, and when she truly believed that Michael Jackson couldn't possibly be a paedophile. As she wept looking up at a poster of Robbie Williams and Gary Barlow in a fond, manly embrace.
Such outrageously unfounded charges were unheard of when Zoe was a teenager.
All of which made her slightly more vulnerable. As a frictional scenario arose which Claire, the office supervisor, found almost impossible to deal with.
When Steve asked Mike to swap desks again, Mike, finding his personal space and security compromised beyond what could be interpreted as reasonable, flatly refused.
Mike's argument was that Steve had initiated the desk swap, on account of having a rageing hard-on for Zoe, and a minor skin complaint which a seat by the windows could help with. So it has been reported that Mike told Steve to "get fucked" and refused to budge.
Happily, a sensible HR Department solution was reached as the more mature office colleague, Gina, inadvertently French kissed Zoe, sending her younger colleague, if not herself too, into hitherto unexplored paroxysms of sexual ecstasy, somewhat surprisingly for all concerned, as they spectated with a hitherto unrecognised passionate sense of yearning, while office supervisor Claire, who is a bit of a girl, but not in a sexist way, ran sobbing to the staff canteen and wailing that all she ever wanted from life was a little baby.
Preferably an undernourished African one that would make her feel good about herself for being philanthropic in an Angelina/Madonna way but minus the readies.
Mike and Steve still aren't talking, but Zoe and Gina are reportedly getting along like something on fire. Possibly, but not necessarily a house. Or some wood.
Claire suffered a nervous breakdown and is said to be working on her Bradford Factor trigger number. Claire's husband, Wally, reportedly doesn't give a shit either way because he's been having sexual relations with the woman next door, and some slack knickered bitch/hoe from down the pub, ever since he first met Claire - who he always thought was obsessive/compulsive anyway.
Agency staff from Eastern Europe have been drafted in to Hammer And Tongs in the meantime, to keep the business afloat.