Entrepreneur, Aleksander Meerkat has been found to be a victim of the Moscow airport bombing today. This would come as quite a shock to many people around the world, not least to his hundreds, if not thousands of brothers, sisters and cousins.
It is known that he flew to Kamchatka last week to visit an elderly grandmother who is approximately 725 in meerkat years, before flying into Moscow to complete a multi million Rouble insurance deal with some unnamed oligarch. Alas, the lovable rodent was caught in the blast and he was killed instantly.
After a post-mortem, his body (or what remains of it) will be flown back to Luton airport in a shoe box and it is expected that he will be laid to rest in the grounds of his estate in Buckinghamshire next week. It is estimated that the funeral will be a day to remember and will be on the scale of Lady Di's funeral. It will be attended by no less than 250,000 mourners - and that's just meerkats!
In Seine News managed to speak to his distraught, 40-year-old mother, Alexis who paid tribute to her son. She said: "I can well remember Aleksander because he was my first child. I gave birth to him when I was 5! - he now has 128 brothers and sisters and some of them work for his company, which is now a massive family concern.
He always liked to compare, compare and compare; in fact he did nothing else - it all began when I bought him a tape measure and a calculator for Christmas and he would always be measuring. Even his teachers at school would tell me that Aleksander was a meticulous bookeeper and at playtime he would always stand in the corner of the playground making note.
When he left school, he decided to help humans and he knew that because of his good looks and charisma that people would decide to take his advice and within a few years he built up this enormous empire - even in a poor country like Great Britain. He was so successful, that the Russians could learn a thing or two just by comparison and he was in the process have setting up an Academy for that very purpose. Now that Aleksander has gone to that big meerkat Manor in the sky, all of us who are left behind will miss him - but somehow he will always be with us! We will never forget him. SIMPLES"