Outrage in the UK last night as the Department of Lack of Energy and Initiative (DLEI - one to remember) announced that common sense would be subjected to a CSI (sorry - not anything exciting like Crime Scene Investigation, just the rather more bland government quango, Common Sense Initiative) announced that the price of common sense is set to go stratospheric with an increase at the pumps of 984% to a groundbreaking record figure of £1.95 a litre.
In American mathematical sums, that equates to approximately $2.60 US for a litre of common sense. Or $10.40 per gallon.
Why would anybody need a gallon of common sense at such outrageously extortionate rates? The sad answer is that nobody really has a credible answer. It would seem that all the common sense traders have pretty much given up on trading in common sense and have moved on to trading important futures such as hopelessness and lack of ambition.
One trader commented that the market for common sense pretty much depends on logical, ethical and economical strategies, before going on to say that the markets are dominated by narwhals and basking sharks - at least in the oceanic branches.
The fact that steep increases in common sense futures could be tied in with the fact that the Dubai 'World Island Project' is slipping back into the sea, from whence it came anyway, has been strongly denied by US trader, Wall Street serial killer, and bronze bull abuser, Herman C Kant.
He insisted that paying £1.95 (or $2.60 - aka $10.40 per gallon) for common sense is a bargain, and added that beleaguered Brits were just a boring bunch of miserable bustards. Like those dumb birds.
"The miserable, short sighted plicks should see what I'm seeing right now, through my trifocal spectacles," he said. "Those stupid Limey flockers should just accept that us Wall Street opportunists have a greater insight into how we should wipe out the mugs' money. We have a proven track record of flocking up world economies with Ponzi schemes and imposing punitive sanctions. And of completely flocking up once great cities like Detroit - Chrust, if they can't trust the likes of us with their tax dollars - who can they trust? After all, we're still in business - the mugs who complain about our codes of practice don't know what the hell they're talking about. Wait till our fellow Americans are paying $11 a gallon for gas...they'll just take it - like the Brits do - because they don't have an ounce of common sense between them. They're basically just mugs who allow the likes of me to eat at The Inn On The Park with the likes of Darryl Hannah. So let's just max 'em out on common sense. Next - we'll impose a levy on water - unless you're a resident of New Orleans, or Queensland, Australia - but basically, we do what we want. Because we're the money men. We get away with it because people have short memory spans - more fool them."
Next news - plans to tax sexual activity among ethnic minorities. Because somehow they seem to enjoy it more.