Written by Jeff Brone
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Sunday, 23 January 2011

image for Many Call Center Jobs Outsourced to Hell
"What's the weather like, you ask? Well..."

While India may be a popular location for call centers, hell is gaining strength as the next big location for both inbound and outbound call center construction.

Recently Lucifer, the keeper of the land of eternal damnation, was quoted as saying that the relationship between hell and call centers is a "natural" and continued that "the job of call center rep was a perfect match for bad humans who deserve to spend all eternity in torment." He then added, "we even save the job of call center manager as a really horrible punishment. We're building a special facility for Charles Manson. It will be open 24 hours a day, and all calls will be monitored for quality purposes. And by monitored, we mean he'll be getting a colonoscopy most of the time. Except during breaks."

One of the center representatives, Vlad the Pillager, who had his self described "best moments" as a pillaging marauder during the 400 AD century in life, said he now works on a line that handles complaints from senior citizens about "foods that hurt their teeth." "Ugh, it's horrible" he said. "I don't even think there is such a line in real life, but in hell, they get creative." He added, "it makes me kind of regret all the awful things I did, yet at the same time it makes me wish I could still do them."

Another popular call center position is that of "newspaper subscription salesperson." Lucifer said that "this one was a keeper from the beginning. We usually try to make these jobs as horrible as possible, but this one we pretty much kept like it is in regular human existence. I guess some things you just can't improve on!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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