Written by anthonyrosania
Print this
Topics: Tax, HR block, US Senate

Saturday, 22 January 2011

image for H&R Block CEO Responds to Senate Letter Regarding New Tax Credits, Encloses Resume
The H&R 'Block', now almost all white, like our leadership staff.

Senate leaders are countering the effort to repeal the new health care law by calling attention to small businesses tax credits also contained in the legislation.

The Senate's top seven Democrats, all whiny and pissy over losing control of the Legislature to Republicans, sent a letter Friday to the CEOs of the nation's two biggest tax preparation companies, H&R Block Inc. and Jackson Hewitt Tax Service Inc. asking them to remind small businesses that they can claim for health insurance they provide to employees.

"This is what I should be spending my time worrying about," asked H&R Block CEO Alan Bennett, who will be 'exploring other opportunities' after this tax season. "I have no way to offer Refund Anticipation loans to the 245 client we actually have left, and our brilliant solution is to give away our f--king product for free, but I should concern myself with this sh-t?"

The letter, also being sent to tax preparers who don't force their clients to accept predatory loans, comes two days after House Republicans voted to repeal the health care law enacted last year, claiming that it will cost jobs.

"Dear Unwashed Masses," their open letter to small businesses begins," rather than making healthcare universal, we've enacted a law that allows you and other peasants with wages of less than $50,000 to deduct 35% of your health costs on your tax return."

The F. W. Woolworth Company...

was once the largest retail company in the world, and innovated the American five-and-dime stores. Despite their decades of growth, increased competition from two strong national competitors (Jackson Hewitt and Liberty Tax... Wait, I meant "McCrory's and Kreske's") and a decided lack of innovation led to its decline beginning in the 1980s. The chain went out of business in July 1997.

"Now isn't that better than socialized medicine?"

H&R Block and Jackson Hewitt both have claimed that they are keenly aware of the tax credits, and didn't need the government to remind them.

"Dear Tax and Spend Liberals," began Block's responding letter. "You took away our refund loans, and then try to make us happy with this stupid tax credit? How dare you?"

"I am very interested in the legislative assistant trainee position you advertised in today's Washington Post," Block CEO handwrote at the bottom of the letter. "I have enclosed my résumé for your review. I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss my qualifications more fully in an interview. Thank you for your consideration."

Make anthonyrosania's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 4 plus 1?

1 5 7 11
43 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more