Written by Esmerelda11
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Topics: Banks

Thursday, 13 January 2011

image for Bankers in Bunkers - Bonkers!

Terrified top bankers from London's City area have fled to specially fortified bunkers deep underground in a secret location, though this paper can reveal that it is somewhere under the English Channel. It is thought that a series of bunkers for use by Top People were constructed, along with the building of the 'Chunnel', and that this is why the tunnel ran over its target time.

The uncontrollable hordes of tax payers, amongst them the Milliband Bros, Boris Johnson, Alan Johnson and Diana Johnson (aka the Johnson Triplets), as well as the scum and hooligans from the General Public, stormed the head offices of the City's financial institutions just an hour too late to seize and decapitate their prey. Mr. Boris Johnson protested, but to the effect that his bicycle had got caught up in the swarming crowd, and that he hadn't meant to come along, but that it did seem quite jolly fun.

"There was a mole at our planning meetings!" shouted one enraged protester, a Mr. Hugh Aipe, as he brandished his longbow. "We'll get the b********."

It is not known how long the bankers can last out in the bunkers, whether they have enough food for the long haul, or how long it will be before they go totally bonkers.

Top psychiarist Dr. Will Phukyoup said, "They will suffer crisp new banknote deprivation quite quickly, but worse will be the lack of opportunity to work towards the next well-deserved billion pound bonus. It will be harrowing for them to contemplate the loss of a further two million pounds each. If and when they do emerge, they will need lengthy counselling, naturally."

Expensive? And funded by the taxpayer?

Emphatically, the good doctor nodded. "Indded, yes. After all, it was the average Mr. - or Ms. - Taxpayer who landed the bankers in this horrific situation, so they must pick up the tab."

The remains of Dr. Phukyoup were then scraped off the pavement and later consumed by the hungry protesters. Meanwhile, the seige goes on.....

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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