New York NY: Domestic cell phone companies and the US subsidiaries of foreign cell phone companies stocks violently plummeted on the New York Stock Exchange (NYSE) today. Soon after this event all these electronics companies declared bankruptcy.
Ray LaHood the USDOT Secretary, in conjunction with OSHA, announced that walking and using a cell phone would be banned as being dangerous. People have been walking into light poles, garbage cans, bumping into each other and stepping on dogs.
The new walking and cell phone use regulation follows on the heels of a proposed rule banning interstate truck and bus drivers from using cell phones while driving, state laws preventing automobile drivers from using cell phones while driving, exploding cell phone batteries and phony studies postulating cell phones as causing brain cancer. The new walking rule was the final straw that broke the camel's back.
USDOT is currently working on regulations for walking and chewing gum!