Lloyds Bank have lost the 9 million dollars invested in their special 0.000001% security bonds by the great Sudanese President Omar Bashear - who lost part of his ear supposedly in a bid to outdo Van Goth, but in reality because he lost in a Boxing championship to the President of the Congo Lovelace Kidd.
Lloyds officials have denied having the money and claimed it is ludicrous to claim that the money was lodged with them. 'Who would put money with us with those rates of interest?' asked a Bank official who only spoke if she was not named.
We would never jeopardise our relations with Banks by giving the names of officials who gave us the inside story. It would not Bee Wright to do so.
Pending extradition of Lloyds boss Bee Wright to the Sudan, she has been held in custody in Holloway Prison, where she is in solitary confinement. She is only allowed to see the financial page of the 'Daily Star' and has found out that Aquarians, like her, are in for a big surprise at Christmas.
Bail for Lloyds has previously been granted but the Crown Prosecution Service, rumoured to be working in the the interests of Bashear for a considerable sum of money, has refused the bailing out this time. 'It is tax payers money Lloyds wants again and all the tax payers who could put up the bail money have their cash in the Bahamas so they cannot produce it in cash for the court.'
Omar Bashear is now searching for the receipt he was given when he put his hard earned cash into his Lloyds account, but it has gone missing. Several Sudanes officials have died unexpectedly.