Written by Morse
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Thursday, 16 December 2010

image for Chrysler Recalls 367k Mini-Vans After Beer Cans Cause 'Rattling Noise!"
Yup! That's the problem...a can in your wheel well!

Chrysler was forced to recall almost 400,000 popular mini-vans after dealers reported customer complaints of body rattles discovered to be discarded empty beer cans stashed
in wheel wheels, under the spare tire, and in headliners.

The problems followed after several union workers were fired for drinking beer, smoking joints, and having a few shots on their breaks before returning to work to install tires, air bags and gas tanks.

Union officials denied that the problems were caused in retaliation for the firings of some of their members, and did say there was no excuse for the 'pranks' as management had been forced to install recycling wheelie bins on the line to dispose of beer cans, whiskey bottles, and used syringes in a responsible manner.

President Obama has been brought into the scandal, as it is said he is now 'fully engaged' after learning from his Commerce Secretary, that most of the beer consumed by workers
was imported from Canada, another indication that the US is suffering from an
unfavorable balance of trade. It is said that the President is now considering a $.50 per can rebate to 'buy American" which will be reflected in the vending machine prices in the Union Cafeteria.

There are further reports that the other government controlled auto company, GM, has experienced some problems with the highly touted, but under achieving and very expensive loss leader, the Volt.

Reports, still unconfirmed, are that several owners, tired of waiting for their car to charge up over a 72 hour period in order to travel 35 miles, have tried fast charging the car by jury rigging their microwave oven to the battery cell in order to cut the time to 3 minutes under the 'express cook' option.

So far no one has been killed, but there are reports that 3 garages have burned down, and in one case the micro wave installed in a kitchen cabinet, and linked to the garage with a common household extension cord, blew out of the wall and into the adjoining bathroom narrowly missing a man sitting on the toilet reading consumer reports.

In international news, Fiat is now thinking about backing out of the partnership deal with Chrysler and Obama due to the bad publicity. Officials are said to be in negotiations with Al Gore and his Green Hedge Fund, based in Dubai, concerning details on the sale, along with an engineering analysis by Gore regarding the conversion of the mini vans to
solar power.

A Gore spokesman said the vans would not be eligible to be sold in the UK, Alaska, Seattle, Washington,Norway, Finland or the Shetland Isles "due to a lack of a viable, available, or sustainable power source."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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