Written by Skoob1999
Print this

Monday, 13 December 2010

image for Local Man Buys Revolutionary New Window Cleaning Device Off QED TV Channel
It Even Cleans Piss Off!

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, has revealed that as he was just about to turn in for the night last Thursday, his attention was caught by a TV infomercial for a staggering new scientific breakthrough in the world of window cleaning.

Resisting the urge to take the piss, by singing the George Formby classic, When I'm Cleaning Windows, Shuttlecock settled back down as the lady on the telly questioned how he could have lived for so long without the benefit of this amazing new window cleaning tool.

The tool, consisting of an inside bit, and an outside bit, joined together by a big magnet, was even reported to work on double glazed windows, and promised purchasers an annual saving of at least £100 on window cleaning bills. Although the producers didn't explain what would happen to thousands of out of work window cleaners.

The device was amazing - it guaranteed to remove even the most stubborn stains from window glass - including candle wax, dog shit, chip fat, axle grease, spray paint, indian ink, melted cheese, dishwater, linoleum, meat juice, blood, wine stains, human shit, plutonium, and chocolate.

"It was brilliant!" an ecstatic Shuttlecock enthused as he shooed some Roma gypsies out of his kitchen and back into the back garden. "I put me order in straight away. Nineteen pound ninety-nine all in. I can't wait till they deliver it - I'll be cleaning windows like a madman from now till Christmas 2011, day and night. I can't wait to get cracking. Hey, and they had this thing as well for slicing up salads and it cuts frigging chips and all! And it's got this spiral cutter thing so you can make carrot and cucumber streamers. I ordered one of those too. Fifteen ninety-nine and a cheesegrater all in. I'll watch QED again mate! Bollocks to watching Avatar on Sky Movies Premier in HD!"

More as we get it.

Make Skoob1999's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 2 multiplied by 5?

2 10 6 5
52 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more