Written by Neil Levine
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Sunday, 7 August 2005

image for Bloomberg To Buy City Hall But Keep LLP
Doing Business At City Hall

New York---Michael Bloomberg, the richest politician running for the all powerful and all consuming job of Mayor of New York City, has proposed buying City Hall and giving it away to what he considers a worthwhile, charitable group, possibly including the Royal House of Tweed, located right across the dark, mysterious and gloomy alley behind City Hall in the former Tweed Court House or even the Loyal Order of Tammany, a fleeing phantasmic organization that many local politicians deny exists at all although everyone knows how to make contact and milk it for all it's worth. Making it real. Putting it there and allowing the boys to glom large sums of patronage at the first opportunity.


"I've got the money. I've got the inclination. I can do it," Mike The Mayor said of his efforts to give away City Hall.


"This should interest the public because if City Hall isn't worth a small fortune, I don't know what else is."


"There is more to the Art of the Deal than dealing Art and I know how to Deal Art better than any of the other schlubs running into me since I've dabbled in Art and my Art has doubled for me. I've even produced a movie, not that it was a big hit but it made the finale cut and had an identifiable beginning middle and ending, in case you were worried. So I know how to cut to the chase."


The local Democrats were laughing in their socks at his excessive generosity. "He's overpaying for a pigs foot that can be had for a song for those who know how to sing for their supper, know how to milk the system and have the secret code. Politicians should only give away F r e e things. Think about it and pass the word."


Mike went on. "Hey, it's my money. No need for patronage demands. I'll just distribute favors and you can vote for anyone so long as it's me if you want cash and carry on demand. Remember the Democrats keep promising something for nothing, but I'm the one who can deliver on their promises. I swear!"


"Don't forget to say nice things about my money. What else is it for?"


"Also, keep in mind Boomberg LLP is not for sale. I own it. It's mines and I'm going to keep it because it protects me from the Democrat's shill games. There is no such thing as a free lunch unless I'm hosting. Bet your sweet Pataki, Freddy and the Dreamers aren't giving anything away that does not have to be paid for and no one wants to pay. That's just life.


"Of course, if you want to buy Bloomberg LLP, it is for sale if the price is ripe. I promise. But otherwise it's mines, not Freddy's. Mines! Got it? And N O B a c k s. Tough Noogies."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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