H&R Block, Inc. (NYSE: SH-T) today shocked absolutely no one when it reported a net operating loss from continuing operations for the fiscal second quarter ended Oct. 31, 2010, of $106.8 million, or $0.35 per share compared to a loss of $126.5 million, or $0.38 per share in the second quarter a year ago.
"Only $107 million," asked H&R Block CEO Alan Bennett. "That's almost like a gain, right?"
H&R Block typically reports a second quarter operating loss, largely because they haven't figured out a way to make a profit anytime after April 15th, even though they've been in operation for 56 years.
Block officials have told the Street that they should have no worries.
"We are so efficient during the tax season," said Block Vice-President of Overeating and Fleeting Beauty Sammy Romero. "All the questionable business practices and price gouging we do during tax season is enough to carry us through the rest of the year. Yay, us. Someone get me a donut."
"Our second quarter results met our expectations and we are aggressively preparing for the key second half of our fiscal year," said Bennett, who will begin interviewing with other companies soon, in preparation for his predestined firing on or soon after April 16th, 2011. "Reclaiming the early-season clients we disenfranchised last year is our top priority, and we will take strong actions to convince all of our clients that, despite not having refund anticipation loans, they should still give us more money than we deserve."
Some of the earnings loss came from the company repurchasing and retiring 3.5 million shares in the fiscal second quarter at a cost of $44.3 million.
"Yeah, of course we repurchased a lot of stock. The price is in the f--king sh-tter, so why not? And, once I've completely devalued the stock, I'll buy it all up for pennies on the dollar, sell off this sh-tburger of a company, and get the f--k out of the tax preparation business," said Chairman Dick Breedingman.
"This is off the record, right?"