Written by Charpa93
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Thursday, 2 December 2010

image for SF McDonald's Boycotts No Toys in Happy Meals with Wikileaks' Julian Assange Action Figure
Fighting for truth, justice and the American way"

Fast food giant, McDonald's today announced that they were considering disregarding a ruling to discontinue toys in Happy Meals and once again offering the popular childrens' treat with limited edition action figures. But the first toy being offered in this series is no laughing matter. It is none other than an action figure of the country's most loved/hated person, Wikileaks founder, Julian Assange.

Marketing spokesperson, Hugh Cantwin claims that Assange epitomizes free speech and corporate freedom in America. "He stands for everything that is right about standing up for our rights and therefore, we could think of no person better to include in our Happy Meals. In fact, if this is any indication of the cojones we've suddenly grown," continued Cantwin, "we may not stop at Assange action figures."

McDonalds has its eye on making this a series with future action figures of such notables as Abby Hoffman, Che Guevara and even Morgan Spurlock, "not because we necessarily like any of these men," said Cantwin, "but because they spell freedom in our customer's minds and if that's good enough for them, it's good enough for us."

Asked what about the kids and whether or not they will even understand the underlying meaning behind the action figures, Cantwin was quick to point out "if you put cool clothes on them like armor and give them spears and shields, it won't matter really who the action figure is. Besides, these are collector's items, not toys per se. It's time we used the power of persuasion we worked so hard in building over the years and sent a strong message to our judicial system that we will not be told what to do. These action figures, for us, speak way louder than words."

Cantwin finished the press release with this "It's simply not about clowns anymore."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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