Written by wadenelson
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Topics: History, Detroit

Monday, 1 August 2005

image for AF of "L", CIO to divide vowels, consonants
"Big Money! Big Money"

Detroit -- In the union's most history-making event since the Hoffa dissappearance, today leaders of the AFL-CIO announced a breakup, with vowels and consonants to be split evenly between the groups.

In an executive session resembling "Wheel of Fortune" guest letter-turner Vanna White (Screen Actors Guild) expertly turned over letters guessed by Teamster and other Union bosses. Initially the Garmet workers (who had provided Vanna's evening wear) surged ahead, but a bad spin resulted in their loss of "T" and "A."

The United Food and Service workers proceeded to pounce on "C", and "F", but hit "BANKRUPT" on the very next spin. As a result catering for the other groups attending the convention arrived late, and was, ahem, the usual rubber chicken. A toss-up puzzle was no help to the UFS workers either.

Next up were the United Farm Workers, who, with the help of a translater and a Palm Pilot running "Rapido Inglesas" easily trounced on the remaining consonants, and purchased "I". While they were unable to use the letters in an (English) sentence and thereby solve the puzzle (for added pension benefits) they still managed a commanding victory.

Without Pat Sajack and studio goons to enforce discipline, help shouted out from the crowd was rampant throughout the game. Givng the wheel one final spin, current Teamster President James Hoffa added $100 of his own money to "Put the Union Label on it," according to his spokesperson.

It's widely rumored that the demise of the AFL-CIO is largely cause by cheap crap imported from China by WAL-MART, which shut down an (otherwise profitable) store with employees threatening to unionize. The $1.5B contributed by "big business" to political campaigns pales against the $75M given by organized labor during the 2004 election. Not that money purchases influence, only vowels.

When it was all over, Vanna reportedly "flashed" the crowd asking over 2500 Union delegates if "they'd ever seen anything like THAT made in China, at which the crowd began chanting "Made in the US of A....Made in the US of A.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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