Written by Q. William Bacon
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Topics: Naked, Flying, Airlines

Sunday, 21 November 2010

image for Innovative JumboJetBlue To Be First All-Nude Airline
Airport security remains a challenge

JFK AIRPORT, New York - "Since its inception, JumboJetBlue has remained on the forefront of air travel safety, convenience, and service. And so, from now on, all JumboJetBlue passengers and employees will travel in the nude," announced naked JumboJetBlue founder Leslie Nielsen. "This policy will completely eliminate embarrassing, time-consuming body searches at security checkpoints."

As part of the airline's new "We're Working Blue" campaign, flight attendants will also work nude. The attendants' union did not agree to the policy until the airline management allowed tipping.

On the other hand, all pilots agreed immediately to work in the nude. The pilots' union representative, Capt. Billy "Bull" McKenna, would not discuss the unanimous decision, saying only that, "A pilot must be endowed with certain rare qualities, and now we'll finally get to prove it."

A Wall Street Journal editorial suggested that the new policy "would turn away customers who are elderly, obese, and Muslim, exactly the customers an airline doesn't want. JumboJetBlue once again shows a flash of genius." But Mr. Nielsen says these considerations did not play a part in the drastic policy change, pointing out that the new policy would encourage more breast-feeding and babies.

Mr. Nielsen proclaimed, "The reason we decided that all the passengers should be naked was simply to restore some humanity and dignity to air travel."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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