Written by Inhopeless
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Topics: Economy

Thursday, 18 November 2010

image for Areas of Britain to Sold Off to Aid Recovery
The Land Up for Grabs

LONDON - A new plan out today will allow privatisation of cities and land.

The scheme, which will allow people who do not work in government to buy land in England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. The plots of land will be divided into county, then city or town cluster, then into districts.

The first segment of land to be sold was Sutton Coldfield, a suburb in North Birmingham. It was bought by web giant Google, for £5,000,000 (US$8,000,000).

The money will be split 60-40, Birmingham City Council - Government.

"Look," said Mark Smith, who was at the auction against Amazon.com, Apple, Sony, Murdoch, and others. "We need servers to direct all of our traffic, and where better than an area close to police stations, fire stations, and access to high-speed optic-fibre internet cable? So, we'll displace a couple of thousand people, but hey."

The government will be able to divide the nation into over 100,000 plots, garnering enough money to pay off the deficit.

"What this new plan will do," said a spokesman for David Cameron. "it will ensure that no public services are cut. In fact, there would be no need for tuition fees. And when those guys finish university, there'll be literally, companies at their doorstep. So, a Win-Win situation."

However, the plan is without its detractions.

"This may pump money into the economy," said Paul Benson, financial expert. "But in the short term, this will lead to British companies being pushed out of the market."

As of press time, an administrative error meant that the land where the Houses of Parliament are and No. 10 are, is up for sale to anyone for £10.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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