Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: HR block

Friday, 12 November 2010

image for The Chopping Block - H&R Block's Restaurant is Surprisingly Unprofitable with Crap Products

From deep inside Kansas City's jade-green, monolithic monument to stagnant innovation and ever-declining profitability --H&R Block's corporate headquarters-- comes yet another sh-tty idea that will bring distraction and unprofitability to the nearly-shattered company.

H&R Block's formerly employee-only cafeteria has been renamed The Chopping Block*, and is selling what has been characterized as a "surprisingly cheap lunch in the Power & Light District."

"I got a cheeseburger, fries and a drink for about five bucks," writes a KC-area food blogger. "While it is cheaper than just about anywhere else in the area, the food was terrible, and the people who served me were rude, surly and just wanted to get my money and rush me out the door."

(Editor's note: Comedy orgasm in 3..., 2...)

"An H&R Block employee who was rude, or who rushed a client out of the office?! Not f--king possible!" said H&R Block's CEO Alan Bennett, who will be removed from office and handed over to HRB shareholders on or after April 16, 2011.

"It is unusual that an employee cafeteria is opened to the public," said Bill Pellian, the vice-president of food services for SweettAmerica.

"The Chopping Block has been open to the public since we opened the building," Pellian said, "but they really didn't advertise that fact."

"Is it a bad thing to have a product and not let people know that they can buy it?" asked CEO Bennett. "F--k, I am so unqualified for this job: I don't know anything about business!"

"H&R Block shareholders should be marching through their corporate headquarters with pitchforks and burning torches," said Mary Kathleen Miel, a business analyst whose blog, 'H&R Block Has Profit Cancer', is read by thousands daily.

"H&R Block now operates as many restaurants as it does bank branches (one), it's done as bad a job at replacing HSBC's RAL funding this year as they did trying to lure Jackson Hewitt clients away when they lost RAL funding last year, and every time a Block-funded sub-prime loan is foreclosed upon, their stock loses a little more value."

H&R Block's Selling Reuben Sandwiches and French Fries: The 21st century version of Nero fiddling while Rome burns.

* I firmly believe that this is an inside joke, given the amount of jobs that Block cut from its corporate headquarters. If not, it's a slap in the face of those downsized former employees, and yet another indicator of just what HRB thinks of its workforce.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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