Written by Inhopeless
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Topics: Music

Sunday, 7 November 2010

image for Coalition of Music Industry To Plug Music Revenue with Lawsuits
Is One of These Drivers Going To Recieve a Lawsuit Notice?

LONDON, NEW YORK, LOS ANGELES - The big four global music industry players, have decided to plug their gaps in music sales by suing even more people.

Revenue has been steady, however, an increase in average internet download speeds, means that many music listeners are taking torrents instead of CDs or Digital Albums.

The new strategy is to sue drivers who listen to music in their cars.

"Of course, we fully respect that private use clause, printed on the CD," says Callum Forde, head of Lawsuits at a music studio headquaters in London. "But, you can always hear some guy playing his CD in his car. The sound spills out of the car, and that counts as public broadcasting, which is illegal."

Sales from the conveyer-belt system of record production, which has produced *cough*UN*cough* memorable CDs from several popular artist such as that good-looking guy or whatever, and that new boy band, that one that looks like that other one? Anyway, sales from them have been rocketed but, there's still a gap in revenue.

"We tried rasing ticket prices," said Rachael Strong, head of Product Promotion, "but only the really shi-- popular acts were selling, not the talen-- other groups."

The public have reacted well to this.

"Yeah, well... you know like," said Denise Smith, (so-called) fan of the number one chart topping group... <enter group name here - it'll be different next week>, "it'll catch them... illeg... illeg... people, well cool innit?"

However, some have taken the news gravely.

"Look, the reason why people illegally download music," said psychologist, Dr. Mark Greene, fan of rock act Jimmy Eat World, "is because the record labels are mercilessly jacking up prices of merch, CDs, tickets, blocking them off to fans who want music they'll listen to."

When the final word was said, a SWAT-style team of music producers arrested Dr. Greene, who would be never seen again.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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