Written by matthatt
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Topics: Flying

Monday, 1 November 2010

image for Ryanair increase profits by not actually flying
This is your captain speaking, we shall be arriving in New York at some point in the next month.

Ryanair revealed a 12% hike in average fares as it posted a double-digit rise in half-year profits. It also saw a 22% leap in ancillary revenues, such as baggage fees, priority boarding, onboard drinks and due to charging pilots and cabin crew for their flight costs.

Some sources within Ryanair have also said that not having to pay for expensive aviation fuel on some flights has also helped.

Internal domestic flights are now routinely placed on the backs of lorries and driven to overland destinations, while cabin crew run up and down outside the plane carrying cut out pictures of clouds and occasionally other aircraft whilst making wooshing noises, to give the passengers the feeling of actually being in mid flight.

Long haul flights are starting to be loaded on to shipping container vessels, which take a little longer but they have the captain tell the passengers that the delay is due to air traffic control issues.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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