Redmond, WA--Today Microsoft Corporation announced the launch of it's electronic tablet device the xPad. Replete with all the features and functionality that has made Microsoft a synonym for "inferior" the xPad is intended to compete with Apple's wildly successful iPad.
Steve Ballmer, President and CEO of the decaying Microsoft empire said, "With the introduction of the xPad Microsoft is once again the leader in producing poor quality knock-offs of Apple products. Like the recently discontinued Zune Player we expect the xPad to sell poorly during it's 12-24 month lifecycle before production is ended."
Familiar Look and Feel
The xPad comes with all the look and feel that Microsoft users have come to expect. These include cheesy icons, thousands of excess functions no one would ever use or be able to figure out how to use even if they wanted to, countless third party "apps" guaranteed to cause screen freezes and crashes and most importantly, the Blue Screen of Death. A sleek plywood-wrapped-in-aluminum foil body rounds out the by-now-expected cut-rate Microsoft experience.
Ballmer stated that the xPad will be sold primarily to the technically naive who buy solely on price. These people will quickly become disenchanted and clog internet message boards with complaints and poor reviews. Technology magazines will give reviews ranging from lukewarm to openly disparaging in proportion to the amount advertising Microsoft buys from them.