Long thought to be a hard sell to the rigid Securities and Exchange Commission, pharmaceutical giants Pfizor and Kings Medical will apparently complete their merger this week while also preparing to introduce a new line of specialty drugs to market.
While specialty products are currently being researched for potential combinations, three are ready for public consumption included a hotly anticipated product to treat both impotence and urinary stream constriction. Named ViPeegra, the new blue pill will address both ailments allowing the patient to remain fully erect and enjoy a free flowing pee at the same time. Another product is ready for pharmacy shelves in the form of a women's suppository. Called Vagiroid, the fast melting suppository can be applied both vaginally and rectally to treat yeast infection, hemorrhoids or both and comes in either lemon or a pleasant cherry flavor.
Pfizor chemist Dr. Dewey Stikkums tells finance reporters, "We really looked forward to combining products from both companies to better serve our patient public. One that we're pretty excited about cures both athlete's foot and bad breath at the same time. We're not sure what to call it yet. Hoof&Mouth didn't seem to go over well with the marketing group."
Some test subjects for the combination drugs aren't necessarily advocates, though they can attest to the product's success. ViPeegra patient, Manny Slongenhard didn't care for the side effects, including the sheer difficulty in bending his member down to point at the toilet bowl. "Don't get me wrong. Loved the erection. Kept me from falling out of bed too, but it ain't no fun pissing like a firehose into your own face, you know what I mean?"
The reporters on scene simultaneously shook their heads to indicate a universal, "no".
ViPeegra and Vagiroid are scheduled for formal release to the public in 60 days.