Written by Jalapenoman
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Topics: Breasts, Women

Sunday, 5 June 2005

image for N.O.W. Demands KFC Change the Menu
Your bucket of chicken may no longer include breasts, legs, and thighs if N.O.W. has its way

The National Organization of Women has issued demands that Kentucky Fried Chicken and the other chicken chain restaurants change the names of their menu items. Under the plan by N.O.W., customers would no longer purchase and eat breasts, thighs, and legs.

A Spokeswoman for the organization said: "The names of these chicken pieces are demeaning to women. Some men, based on their personal preference in a woman's physical attributes, refer to themselves as leg men, breast men, etc. Our research has found that the man who most desires a woman with "nice" thighs also tends to eat thighs when he eats fried chicken. If such a man translates his fantasies into his food order, what does a rapist doing with his meal choice?"

"We also want them to get rid of the terms "white meat" and "dark meat." Those are simply racially demeaning to all."

When the spokeswoman was question whether or not women who chose eating chicken breasts to other pieces also preferred men muscular chests, she had no comment.

Rush Limbaugh, famous radio personality, had this to say: "The femi-Nazis are at it again. Now they want us eating chicken chests or chicken abs or something instead of what good Americans like Colonel Sanders have been calling their food for over 200 years. Just because I think a chicken leg is finger lickin' good does not mean that I'm going to go out and find a woman and slobber all over her knee."

An official spokesman for Popeye's, when asked about the same issue, said "most people don't associate Popeye and Olive Oyl with human breasts when they think of chicken breasts. I suppose they are also upset because we market our product as being "hot & spicy." Besides, why are they going after the chicken-on-the-bone guys? They don't seem to be going after the burger boys with their chicken strips, chicken tenders, or chicken nuggets. Can't they also be derogatory terms? Did N.O.W. buy stock in the boneless business? Why are they going after the restaurants and not the grocery stores and meat markets?"

The following was released by KFC: "Last year, we had P.E.T.A. mad at us because they didn't like the way Tyson, Sanderson Farms, and other meat packing plants killed and prepared the meat. Now these people want us to change the names of our meat. Many years ago, we had to go from the name Kentucky Fried Chicken to KFC just because people didn't like the fact that we were fried. Millions of people every day eat our product in homes and restaurants and picnic grounds all around the world and no one else has ever demanded this stupidity. The Colonel is probably rolling over in his grave right now."

Not everyone, however, is opposed to this move. In a telephone interview with Foghorn Leghorn from his trailer on the Warner Bros. Lot, the rooster had this to say "I say, I say, I say, boy. You folks have just got to quit eatin' the chickens. There are some nice lookin' birds out there, and they got their rights too. Nobody needs to salivatin' over some young, hot chick. Some people think that N.O.W. has laid an egg on this one, but they do have my support."

N.O.W. is also threatening to take action through the F.D.A. to have all chicken parts renamed if the big three do not instigate the move on their own. They feel that if KFC, Popeye's, and Church's all change, the rest of the industry will follow suit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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