Written by Sidney Bollocks
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Topics: Economy, Housing

Friday, 8 October 2010

image for UK house market in freefall
A newly available property in Hyde Park, London

Latest figures from the second Bank of England, Northern Rock, have revealed that UK house prices are in freefall. In September, six grand was wiped off the value of an average house, more if it was a posh house and less if it was a caravan or a shed.

Arthur Threpplethwaite, an economist with Northern Rock, said "There are now twenty two houses on the market for every potential buyer. If you buy a house for a quarter of a million quid today, next April it will be worth about a hundred and fifty quid. We are even considering paying interest to people to encourage them to get a mortgage and buy a house".

Despite this bleak outlook, all is not bad and, for some, it is positively good news. Lithuanian squatters have established a community in Holland Park in London and are now sending their kids to stage school. Knightsbridge has become known as Little Albania and Hyde Park has become home to sixty thousand travellers, with their caravans and Ford Transits.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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