The Nobel Committee has awarded this year's Nobel Prize to P.E. Educator Michael "Coach" Mowry. "Mike Mowry has for years saved his hard earned money. Mowry has not racked up back-breaking debt to buy crap no one needs, that makes him a unique figure in contemporary American history and, well, we gave one to Obama 'cause he was cool, we might as well give it to a guy with a record," the Committee said.
"Yeah, Coach Haynes is a bad-ass but Coach Mowry is thrifty. He doesn't even give out high-fives. We're doing high-threes when we win now and don't touch each other at all when we lose. There was that one time we shook hands in a "gentlemanly manner" when we drew in Gator Ball with the other team," said Peter Thomas(13).
Coach didn't really talk to this nerdy reporter type except to say, "It doesn't take a genius to kick the guy who tries to sell you a house at 36% interest on a credit card in the nads. It's real simple, Kowligi. You tell him to stand in front of you when he's doing that 'this-is-called-a-sub-prime-mortgage' then you lift your right leg up to his nads in a direct and swift manner see. I see you haven't learned how to move yet, boy. Yeah, so he'll be doubled up like you are, and I saved a hundred grand that day. That was a good day. Now hit the deck and give me 10 pushups for curling up into a ball when I kicked you in the nads. Now, Kowligi!"
This reporter is recovering but congratulates his childhood hero for a well-deserved Nobel Prize.