Top General Motors executives emerged from a lengthy strategy session and announced a new plan to return the company to profitability--shifting production facilities from making cars and trucks to making rickshaws and bicycles.
The groups' spokesperson explained in detail that after they failed in the marketplace, and had to be taken over by the government, they were told to study our successful competitors and adopt their methods.
At first, the company looked at the Japanese, but copying them just seemed too difficult. So they shifted their focus to the Chinese.
"After studying them, we realized we needed to make drastic changes."
Luckily, the first step--government ownership and control of the production facilities--had been taken which the company admits would have been hard for them to do on their own.
We now understand that China is growing their auto sales fast because most Chinese people don't own cars, and traditionally they get around on rickshaws and bicycles.
The US market is saturated--most people already own cars. So we GM will lead the way as society declines further, and mirror the Chinese. As they transform from a society of bicycle riders to car owners, so shall America transform from a society of car owners to bicycle riders.
A White House press agent praised the announcement, saying "The mass production of Rickshaws will provide many jobs to boost the economy.
"The First Lady is particularly pleased, as obese Americans will really benefit from the cardiovascular work-out that goes with their new job as a Rickshaw operator."