Written by Bill Licks
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Monday, 27 September 2010

image for RBS finally runs out of employees to fire
RBS finds there's nobody left to axe

The Royal Bank of Scotland controversially fired its last 500 employees today and is now run by absolutely no one.

In an effort to increase third quarter profits RBS has decided the best way to save money is to reduce its headcount to zero, therefore reducing salaries and bonuses to zero also.

'This is great news' said CEO Stephen Hester as he was clearing out his desk for the last time before he was escorted from the premises by security. 'We've got rid of everyone from traders to toilet cleaners and if we could fire anyone else we would'

'But we've checked with our Human Resources department, shortly before we fired them, and we've got absolutely nobody left in our employment.'

Customers have expressed concerns as to how the bank expects to operate without any staff.

'Yeah customer service was always pretty crap' said David Turner from Hull 'I used to visit my branch hoping to speak to someone about increasing my overdraft only to be sold a high interest loan by a middle aged woman with bad breath.'

'Now I won't be able to see anyone at all if there's no one working there. At least it means I won't have to stand in a fucking queue for hours any more I suppose.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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