The press corps was shocked yesterday when the CEO of BP Oil appeared at the lectern. He was dressed in torn and shabby clothes. His wife was with him in a dirty and frayed cotton house dress. His children looked straight out of Charles Dickens.
He spoke: "Before we go to the homeless shelter I just want to say the spill in the US Gulf of Mexico has left all of us at BP penniless, homeless, and helpless. What the people in the Gulf have gone through is nothing to what we at BP have suffered. We have given our all for America and to tell you the truth we have been treated shabbily.
"When we gave America to those roustabouts, and all over a little tax on some tea, it has been nothing but ingratitude, ingratitude, ingratitude. We are sorry we can no longer carry this welfare state of people with their hands out. We are broke and the twenty billion dollars that we promised for the oil spill fuss went for skittles, beer, and cardboard boxes to live in!"
He finished by saying, "Excuse me now. The children are trying out for the cast of Oliver and the Misses and I are off to Tony's yacht for a little of the bubbly."