"Look, this is the way I feed my kids," cries Mistress Alahna, who clearly didn't pay attention in high school. "How am I going to meet up with men who pay me to tug on their junk?"
Much to the chagrin to Comic-con season ticket holders, apartment-rental-scam website Craigslist has censored its adult services section throughout North America, after legal pressure from at least 17 states.
"It is disgusting, immoral and illegal," said New York Governor David Patterson, who has never read a single ad on Craigslist, for some reason. "I will see to it that Craigslist gets out of the 'rub my penis for money' business. Well, I won't 'see' it, actually, but you know what I mean."
The site posts lists of 'for sale' and 'wanted' ads under such sub-sections as property, jobs, and personals, and send money to Nigerian scam-artists.
But the 'erotic' list in the services section, which has ads from prostitutes and escort services, was today replaced by the word 'censored' dramatically written in a black logo.
"Do you know what my day is like," said 'Selena', a 19-year-old Mexican-American full-body massage expert. "I dress like a stripper, and service smelly, middle-aged men for $15 a load."
"And the only way I get clients is by advertising on craigslist. What am I going to do? Get a job as a housekeeper, or a farmhand, or working at a car wash, or unload trucks overnight at Target, or landscaping, or as a table-cleaner in a restaurant, or as a baby-sitter, or do hotel room cleaning, or picking fruit, or give lap dances," 'Selena' continued.
"Once 'iCarly' was cancelled, my job prospects dwindled considerably, allegedly.