Written by Whitters
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Topics: Economy, Money, Banks, HSBC

Friday, 3 September 2010

Now that the Government's independent banking commission is looking at reform in the industry, banking giant HSBC has announced that it intends to increasingly replace £20 Notes with the smaller £5 denomination as it runs down stocks of the banknote prior to leaving its London HQ.

Stuart Gulliver, head of the firm's investment banking division, warned a banking conference of the decision to move out of its London HQ, and it is possible that its on the basis that the Government is looking to rescue the UK from the financial ruins of the Labour Government and the idiot bankers who pilfered the poplulations money away on champagne and strippers.

As a result of this, HSBC is currently scouring the high street to get the best deals on converting currency into Hong Kong Dollars, ready for when they move back to the back-street offices they left in 1991. Some of their investment bankers however, have stuck to tradition and converted to many high denomination notes, leading to the bank to force the decision of placing £5 notes in their ATM's to compensate this and give the impression that nothing is really wrong.

In associate news; City of London's commercial estate agents are currently chilling their own champagne as HSBC occupies the largest skyscraper in Canary Wharf, which will earn them a large commission which they can then splash in Stringfellow's and Spearmint Rhino.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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