Written by Morgan Truce
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Topics: Steve Jobs, Jobs

Sunday, 1 May 2005

image for Apple Releases Real Tiger; Publicity Stunt Backfires!

CUPERTINO CALIF (AP) Apple Computer CEO Steve Jobs unlocked the cage holding a full-grown Bengal tiger and watched as the tiger figured out that the door was now open. The beautiful tiger then leapt out of the cage and pounced upon several dozen computer geeks who were celebrating Apple's release of the new MAC OSX 10.4 operating system. Four people were badly mauled and died of injuries; several others were taken to the hospital with serious injuries.

Steve Jobs spoke with a Spoof reporter after the event. "Overall, this has been a wonderful day for Apple. Our new operating system will be a real challenge to the Windows platform. I heard that Bill Gates has had steel bars put on his Office Windows if you'll pardon the pun. We apologize for the mayhem caused by the release of the tiger. I can say that I am certain that our loyal corps of Apple fanatics were so excited at the prospect of forking out $129 for the new Apple Tiger Operating System that they hardly felt any pain from the tigers slashing paws and sharp teeth. I would add that our Bengal tiger has been trained to really go after anyone who dares to divulge Apple's trade secrets…"

Steve Jobs went on to brag, "The new Apple Spotlight technology built into OSX 10.4 will easily replace that old dim flashlight you have in the kitchen drawer. No more dealing with leaky batteries - Spotlight will help you find anything in the dark."


Meanwhile on the outskirts of Cupertino, the Bengal tiger continued on his wild rampage. At a WalMart SuperCenter the tiger stormed in through the lobby, slashed the throat of the greeter before he could say a word, and then dashed straight up the aisle to the Electronics Department where he leapt upon a young family that was considering purchasing a HP Pavilion computer. The wife and two children were killed immediately. As the dazed husband was being carried out of the WalMart store by paramedics, he said, "Well, maybe I should consider getting a PowerMac instead of that Pavilion… I didn't know that choosing a computer had such far reaching complications…"

The tiger made a visit to a local elementary school, but left without incident once it discovered that the school's computer lab was filled with Macintosh computers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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