Like a drunk freshman at a frat party, a billionaire hedge fund manager has been f--ked over by someone who promised not to hurt them.
In this instance, the f--king cost the, er... f--kee nineteen million dollars.
The cad who did the f--king? None other than the fine folks employed by RSM Business Services, a wholly-owned subsidiary of corporate f--k-ups H&R Block.
"Jesus Christ, I shoulda used TurboTax," said Leon G. Cooperman, the now-slightly-poorer tax client who has filed a lawsuit in U.S. Tax Court, trying to get his tax breaks reinstated after the IRS said 'no' to the itemized deductions on Cooperman's Block-prepared 2005 and 2006 personal returns.
"Hell, I could've used a chimpanzee with a crayon and a stack of 1040 forms. I would've been in better shape.
How'd RSM / HRB screw the proverbial pooch?
As part of the filing, Cooperman states that since he made certain deduction claims, on the advice of the lumps of clay peddling their wares at RSM, he's learned that tax law doesn't allow non-publicly traded securities to be given to a private foundation.
"This is a rule that any person who has ever read the Wall Street Journal two-days in a row would be aware of," said Dick Hertz, the IRS auditor who caught the error. "Christ, my cat is aware of this rule, and he sh-ts in a box."
The court papers indicate that Cooperman's longtime personal tax adviser, a RSM tax professional so old he created Napoleon's tax shelters, along with appraisers from RSM Business Services, did the work.
Cooperman has gone to tax court to fight the $14 million in back taxes Uncle Sam says he owes on the disallowed charitable deductions, along with another $5 million in penalties the IRS assessed.
According to Block's website, their relationship with tax clients is, "A relationship built on excellence and integrity...
(We strive) for the highest level of integrity and excellence, and we are committed to earning your confidence through the exceptional service we provide every day.
"If he bought Peace of Mind, H&R Block's overpriced extended warranty against f--k-ups like this one, he would have been reimbursed up to $5,000," said Gal Marko, H&R Block's District Manager in charge of ruining the business in the North Jersey market. "As for the other fourteen million, nine-hundred, ninety-five thousand bucks? He's sh-t out of luck. Hope to see you again next year!"
The reason the billionaire and his attorneys say Cooperman shouldn't have to pay that amount is because Cooperman relied in good faith on experienced tax pros and shouldn't be penalized for their errors.
"That is unreasonable," exclaimed Fanny Gasz, an attorney for H&R Block. "To expect us not to screw this up. Hell, we can barely complete a return for a McDonalds french-fry cooker? What the hell are we, tax experts?"
Cooperman has decided not to sue H&R Block, after a thorough review of their most-recent profit and loss statements: "It's not worth it," he said. "I doubt they could afford the stamp they'd need to file an Answer to the suit."
On news of their latest blunder, H&R Block's stock plummeted to an unprecedented $0.00000000002, in heavy trading.