Written by Morgan Truce
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Topics: Food, McDonalds

Saturday, 23 April 2005

image for After Wendy's, Finger Foods Showing Strong Demand in Fast Food Outlets
Finger Lickin' Good finger food being considered by KFC

SAN JOSE, Calif. -- After an initial drop in sales at Wendy's when a finger was reported found in a bowl of chili, sales of finger food at other fast food restaurants have been brisk. McDonalds has hired Anna Ayala to develop several finger food items to be added to their menu. Ms. Ayala says, "I have a lot of experience with introducing finger food at Wendy's and I hope to bring my expertise over to McDonalds. I have some ideas for premium cuts of beef that can be cut with a sharp chef's knife by McDonalds workers. We are working closely with the Training Department to make certain that the relatively young, inexperienced food preparation staff do not slice off their own fingers by mistake --- which, by the way, is what I believe happened at Wendys. We want to make sure that McDonald's customers enjoy eating their finger food --- and not someone else's fingers!"

Not to be outdone in the rush to meet the demand for finger food, Burger King is introducing sliced hard-boiled eggs. "In several tests, we found that our customers just love to pick up thin slices of hard-boiled eggs with their fingers and put them right in their mouth. We are going one step further though… we are going to provide each customer with a small (but very sharp) disposable knife so that they can have the pleasure of slicing their own eggs. We have cleared this with our Legal Department. They told us that, as long as we print slicing directions on the Egg Box, and maintain a good First Aid kit at the counter, we can roll out the Sliced Egg program just as soon as our chickens start laying."

Domino's Pizza announced that they have already begun allowing customers to slice their own pizza. "We found that the average customer is not very happy with the way we sliced pizzas in the past. Some like smaller slices. Some customers even prefer odd shaped slices. So, now we just take the pizza out of the oven, and hand the pizza wheel over to the customer so he can slice it the way he wants. While there have been a few instances of severed fingers, we feel that do-it-yourself slicing is a trend that we want to get in front of."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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