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Saturday, 7 August 2010

image for Quantum Leap Corporation To Begin Offering Services
Would you go back in time to get into those pants?

The Quantum Leap Corporation has announced that they will begin offering their services to the general public. For a modest fee of $10,000, people will be able to travel backwards in time within their own lifetimes and bodies.

Problems encountered earlier in the companies history by inventor Dr. Sam Beckett have been corrected. According to a company spokesman named Ziggy, "you no longer arrive with a swiss cheese brain, you always travel within your own body, and you will automatically return to your current lifetime after 72 hours in the past."

A flyer for the company offers the following come-ons to get people to try the service:

Would you like to nail your girlfriend in high school... while she's still in high school? Do you want another chance to catch the pass that you dropped that lost your team the big game? Want to actually insult that boss who used to embarrass you in front of everyone else? Would you like another shot at that test that kept you out of college? Would you like to get rich betting on the right Super Bowl and World Series winners?

All this and more is available through Quantum Leap!

Al Calavicci, Vice President of the company, said that "we've all got this girl that we wish we could have slept with. Now you are older and wiser and know the moves you should have used. Now you actually know how to unhook a bra and use birth control. Now you won't get so excited that you won't cream your jeans before you get her pants off. We give you the opportunity to correct those situations where you should have scored when you were younger."

When asked if getting laid was worth the risk of causing temporal shifting or a paradox, Calavicci answered by saying that "getting laid is worth the risk of anything."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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