Times are tough. Things have gotten so bad that pharmaceutical giants, Large Pharma, can no longer afford to test new drugs on unsuspecting people from remote African villages.
An unidentified CEO from one of the major pharmaceutical companies said that they had planned on laying off more than 3000 workers but were convinced by the research and development team to keep them on staff as lab rats.
The workers do not officially know that they are part of the test yet, they just know that they now have mandatory meals prepared by the company and have been individually paired with a "buddy" that secretly monitors any side effects.
"From our standpoint it is a total win win," continued the CEO. "We get to test new products, weed out ones that are harmful to the general public and keep America working.