Written by anthonyrosania
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Monday, 26 July 2010

image for Apple Sues God: Actual Apples Look Too Much Like Apple Logo.
Hand: Mrs. Steve Jobs.

In a move that stunned Christians and non-Christians alike, Apple, Inc. has filed a lawsuit against God, claiming that real apples look too much like Apple, Inc.'s logo.

"We own the worldwide-rights to Apple, pure and simple," said bile-averse Applechief Steve Jobs. "Create a product that looks like trademarked Apple intellectual property at your peril."

The suit, Apple, Inc. vs. God, Yahweh, Mother Nature Et. Al. seeks damages in excess of 550 trillion dollars, or the approximate net worth of the entire planet.

Legal experts feel that God will have to prove that His use of the apple logo predates Apple's.

Apple, Inc.'s lead mad scientist, Steve Jobs, believes that Apple will prevail at trial.

"I don't care if the reanimated corpse of Johnny Cochran drops in the Judge's mailbox a lump of Brachiosaurus sh-t with apple seeds in it. WE are above the law," said Jobs.

"Did you know Cisco patented 'iPhone' in 2000? We stole it," said Jobs. "In 1978 we promised Apple Corps, the Beatles record company, that we would stay out of the music-selling business. Ha! Does iTunes count?"

"Hell, we sued the City of New York over their use of apples in promotional material. The city is now 'The Big Radish'," continued Jobs. "In fact, if anyone in the world eats an apple, or starts a word with a lowercase 'i', they need to write us a check."

God, spotted playing SkeeBall in corporeal form on the Asbury Park boardwalk, seemed amused by the suit.

"In the early 1900's, Standard Oil threatened to sue every person in the United States," said God. "Their theory was that every US citizen somehow benefitted by gasoline-powered travel, and thus owed Standard a royalty. That didn't last long."

"It happens once every 100 years or so," said the Creator. "A company strings together a few successful quarters, and suddenly they are growling German Shepherds, guarding their food bowl."

"They'll learn."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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