Public sector workers are furious with new terms and conditions of employment which will see them leading the changes needed to cut the public defecit,and bail out fat cat bankers.
Teachers and nurses have been advised that they are no longer able to accept personally gifts recieved from grateful pupils and patients, which will now have to be auctioned on e-bay to raise money for cash strapped services.
Nurses will also be expected to hire out their uniforms to fancy dress and sex shop establishments whilst not on duty, to bring more into the NHS coffers.
One killjoy nurse said "I am furious - not only are we having our chocolates taken from us - we are now being used as sex objects!"
Bankers welcomed the move, with one telling us "OK, we f****d up the economy, but to put the pressure on the public sector is a great idea. Nurses are used to being treated like s**t, so it will really not make any difference to them. It would cause a huge drop in living standards if our hedge fund managers were to be stripped of one of their private jets or yaughts!"
However, the banker did conclude that he, along with his collegues would do their bit. "I am sure that the nurses uniforms will be in high demand, he hinted. A box or two of discounted milk tray wouldn't go amis in pacifying the wife after an afternoon at the golf club, he added!