Written by P.M. Wortham
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Topics: Sex, Breakfast, impotence

Thursday, 15 July 2010

image for New Breakfast Cereal Announced for Impotent Men
One Bowl, and you're ready to give her a go.

Normally known for their wide range of popular animal feeds, Pureena Company announced today that they will be releasing a new breakfast cereal developed for impotent men called, Nut & Raisin Honey.

Representing a clear diversion away from their manufacturing comfort zone, marketing vice president Haywood Jablome tells reporters, "This new venture will be easy for us to implement, with only minor changes to the cereal formulation and packaging".

Manufacturing and supply chain analysts confirm Jablome's claims. Ian McKrakitch from New York's Harness Bank commented, "All the production line tools are there. They just need a cereal blend that tastes good, sells well, and helps the male consumer with a little 'Gitty Up' when he wants to let the horse out of the barn".

Pharmaceutical companies, who make a fortune off prescription medications that put lead in your pencil, seem most agitated at the announcement. Pfizzor Company, makers of the little blue pill, is inferring that Pureena may be using unlicensed animal steroids in the cereal. "Hey, whatever works, and believe me, this works", says test consumer Hal Noodleman. "One spoonful of this stuff and I'm a raging bull".

Neighbors claim to hear vulgar barnyard noises coming from the Noodleman home at all hours of the evening. "Nut & Raisin Honey kind of tastes like dog food, but my wife loves me for eating it", says Noodleman, while following his own comments with a whinny.

Selling for $37.95 a box, Nut & Raisin Honey is not cheap but store owners can't keep it on the shelves. Even with potential side effects including an urge to chase cows around the barnyard and vocal grunts that sound much like pigs in heat, Pureena has apparently marketed a winner. Pureena also announced the future release of a sport drink for women called 'Wet & Wild'. Jablome would not elaborate on the product's features.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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