Written by Jimbo123
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Topics: Economy

Monday, 12 July 2010

image for Interest rates 10% by Christmas
"Leave the money in the lobby - the cleaners will mope around it later."

Respected city dustman Paul Miners said he expects the Bank of England to raise interest rates to an eye watering 10.5% by the end of the year.

Whilst the rate of 0.5% remained unchanged at the July meeting of the MPC, August onwards is expected to see consecutive jumps of 2% in the run up to Christmas.

The dramatic change in sentiment is due to latest RPIX inflation figures which are 'worse than' worse than feared, and show that credit crunch 'quantitative pleasing' is finally catching up with the economy.

However, the city rumour mill is being 'dragged sideways through a hedge' as commentators speculate why UK plc has gone into free-fall when the US and sober Euro countries are starting to settle down.

One story centres on the weekend of May 1st 2010. The treasury had been flat out shredding and burning documents in the run up to the election and asked colleagues from J D Hogwarts bank to takeover money printing operations while they took a breather over the bank holiday.

Strict guidelines had been given only to print £2B in twenties and leave it in the lobby but in a classic 'fat-fingered' gaffe, staff arrived drunk from the football and 'created' £2 trillion 'by mistake' and forwarded it electronically into company accounts.

One trader at the firm said "I woke up Tuesday a little worse for wear and there was £15 billion sitting in my account so I bought Tesco and B&Q online and went back to sleep".

Another said - "I was short changed by Argos last week, so I bought them for cash and told them to drive their stock into the sea."

This spending splurge - wild even by city standards has seen M25 money supply double overnight with the average interest-only mortgage likely to go from £200 to £800pm sparking fresh turmoil in the housing market.

A treasury spokeswomen commented - "They're very naughty at J D Hogwarts but they are so chivalrous and handsome."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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