Written by Awkward Stanley
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Topics: Food, Fast Food

Tuesday, 12 April 2005

image for Burger King to Unveil New "Sandwich" Sandwich
You WILL eat the sandwich...you WILL.

Chicago, Illinois- Earlier this week, while showcasing its newest line of burgers at the International Fast Food Convention,
BURGER KING® introduced its hottest prototype to date. Banking on the success of the Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch® sandwich, as well as the increasing demand for the Enormous Omelet® sandwich, BK has decided to unveil the Sandwich® sandwich--set for release in early May.

The sandwich will be sold for a limited time at all participating BURGER KING restaurants. A possible target date has been set for May 11 and the product is expected to run through May 13. The BK research team will then gauge the initial consumer response and respond accordingly.

Recently, the fast food industry has been searching desperately for a meal that appeals to both the World Health Organization (WHO), and the American Calorie Association (ACA). With the Sandwich sandwich, BURGER KING hopes to gain approval from both groups.

Not only does the meal--which comes with a fountain drink and choice of fries or onion rings--contain over 3900 calories, but the appearance it gives of a club sandwich on wheat will fool even the most health-crazed consumer.

Sensing a drastic change in today's fickle market, Mcdonald's® and Wendy's® are working hard to keep up with the King's recent innovation. Mcdonald's, the self-proclaimed "Dark Lord of the fast food universe" is planning a counterstrike burger, hastily nicknamed the McSandwichwich.

Wendy's, citing the surprise dicovery of Dave Thomas' long lost will and testament, can only offer insight into a project that they have yet to name.

"It's quite simple really" said Cynthia Allison, spokeswoman for the Wendy's corporation "We plan to release a homestyle burger that reminds the consumer of the good old days when papa was cookin' up something fresh on the grill outside. The only difference is that ours will be pumped full of narcotics."

A senior member of the Taste Testers of America, Chaz Bradley, had this to say about Burger King's newest edition. "I am so, totally stoked about this, man. It is a great day when we can sit back and just let our buds do the work. F*** Yeah!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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