Written by rfreed
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Wednesday, 7 July 2010

image for Marvel Comics Superheroes Must Submit To Disney Domination
Disney Will Add The Mouse To Its New Marvel Lineup As A Superhero Who Beats Up Terrorists And Waterboards Them.

Since it bought out the new, hot running Marvel Comic Movie Studio that is responsible for such hits as Spiderman, Iron Man and the X Men series, Disney Corporation has begun to institute major changes into the Marvel superheroes to bring them into the 'Disneyesque' way of doing things.

The animator has long had a great desire to have control over the entire realm of fantasy story telling. Wanting to always remain the top dog in the imaginative tale telling department, they will go to any length to retain their status as #1.

This greed has lead them to such covert acts as sabotaging the studio that makes the Simpsons, firebombing the South Park writers and paying North Korea to kidnap and enslave Taiwanese and South Korean cartoonists who do the majority of the work on animated movies. Buying up all the sources of green ink held up the latest Shrek movies release and they have even gone so far as to order hits made on Japanese amine artists.

While dealing with the Marvel characters they are proving to be equally as;ruthless. The company has always enforced a strictly conformist policy, and Marvel's spandexed clad hunks and divas will be no exception. All superwomen of overly proportional bosom sizes will need to get breast reduction surgery to avoid worrying parents about what their little boys (and girls for that matter) might see in them. Also, all heroes and heroines will start being issued baggier uniforms to prevent viewers from too much of an eyeful of any unique bodily formations.

The Hulk is being required to take anger management classes and to smile more in order for him to be a more people friendly character under the regime, a fact that has the Great Green One seething in anger.

"Hulk must smile? That bull----" the occasional Bruce Banter entity gasped between clenched teeth in a very un-Disneylike way. "Hulk smash their throats!"

Fortunately the lawyers who were presenting the command to the Hulk were backed up by body guards with stun guns before the Great Green One was able to squeeze their heads like zits. Ditto with Wolverine who reacted negatively to the news that he would have to give up his Canadian citizenship before he could perform in the evil ranks. Security guards were fortunately armed with powerful tranquilizers when he got the news.

In an effort to appease Catholic fans, Daredevil will have to relinquish his horns and become Daredancer, a member of a New York ballet troupe who beats up the bad guys by pirouetting into them and throwing them up in the air like a ballerina. Marvel execs are worried about the revenue losses on that one.

Prince Namor, the misanthropic undersea dwelling superhero, will have to be more tourist friendly when dealing with land humans. "Oh the misery of it! To think I must be kindly to these air sucking land apes! I wish I could invite them to visit my world so that they would all drown!" stated the undersea king in a statement that did reach management ears and earned Namor a night in a fresh water tank as punishment.

Dr. Doom is being ordered to take off his iron mask when he comes through the gates to the Disney studios, an act that has the guards there hurling into their trash cans when they see his real face. Iron Man is also not to keen on taking off his mask either as it takes him an hour to both take it off and put it back on.

The guards have also been subjecting Sue Richards, the shapely female of the Fantastic Four (played by the also shapely Jessica Alba in the movies) to a strip search probably motivated by their own interests. She has been replying to the humiliation by turning invisible at the crucial moments, much to the dismay of the guards.

An unfortunate incident that put a couple of employees in the hospital and the future movie career of the Silver Surfer in peril occurred when they told the intergalactic star that he would have to wear some sort of Hawaiian shorts so that it didn't look like he was surfing naked. The Silver One in his typical overly reactive way fried them like bacon.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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