Apple Head Organ Recipient, Steve Jobs, says that he'll be suing Nickelodeon and the Cast and crew of the Nick show "iCarly", stating that he's owned the "iCarly" name since be bought Carly Simon's soul in 1978.
"Carly wanted to get an ad endorsement, and wanted to stop being James Taylor's punching bag," said Jobs, while wiping his ass with a $50. "Satan traded her a ketchup ad and a divorce for her soul."
"And since I was in the collecting mood," Jobs continued. "In 1990 I bought Carly's soul, Liberace's a--hole, and the deed to Alaister Crowley's castle. It was HUGE! And so was that castle."
Jobs then registered iCarly, just in case he ever owned her record catalog as well. Therefore, iCarly is a copyright infringe ment.
"You know," said Jobs, talking to one of his assistants. "Is that Miranda girl 18 yet? We could... wait, that's the one that looks like a Mexican chimpanzee? No thank you! Who's that other one, the one that makes my pants all lumpy?. Oh the things I would do to... Who's the one I said I wanted to Teabag? Right... Freddie. Yeah, Freddie. Yummy yum yum!"
Apple's lawyers later bought the transcript of our interview and changed the last two sentences. It should now read: "Apple is very involved with many children's charities. And I want to drop a plopper on Jennette McCurdy."
EPILOGUE: Apple's lawyers could not explain why Jobs is said to have bought the soul in 1978 and 1990, in two separate paragraphs. "Our guess is that 1978 was more timely for Carly Simon, but Liberace was still alive then," they opined. "Still, a 13 year old writer with a head injury could've found a way to make the joke work."