In a surprising outcome, the "Don't Do Drugs" advirtisements that have hit America by storm in the past couple years are starting to affect it. The alcohol sales in the past quarter have almost doubled, which seems to point to the anti-drug comercials.
Many people are extremely glad for the Ads. One teen said, "I was all about to try some drugs with my friends when these "truth" ads told me that even one time can kill me. It really scared me, so on the next party I went to, I went toward binge drinking and away from those deadly, dangerous drugs. Cheers to truth."
This sharp escalation in alcohol has also made many liquer store owners very happy. Says one, "Before this, we had been slowly declining. We aint succers, but we hadn't been making enough to afford our daily living space. We were afraid, but now were better. The 80" plasma screen tv in my bedroom is proof to that! Hooyah!"
This is good news to the economy, but bad news to law officials. The binge drinking among teens have soared, fake id's are being printed by the second, and the majority of illegal drugs now are in the hands of elderly women who live near the borders. Drug dealing has decreased immensly, but now even parents and teachers are getting involved with this latest craze.
"This can't last," prays drug detective William Jones. "America is an illegal drug society. People can't just quit and switch to beer because of ads. it's just not like them. Please don't leave. I need you to help me live!!
Alcoholics are now bragging about about their right attitude toward beer all along. " We told you so, you losers." Slurs one drunk man. "We've been right all along. Its you druggies that are dead meat. We are not rotting flesh; we are having the time of our lives!!"
Analysists, of course, predict the worst outcome of this, to come in the next couple months. "We will see drunks eeverywhere; in our schools, our place of buisness. This is the new trendof America. I also think to our presidents tendency toward alcohol will come out much more publically; possibly to the point of it as the campaign for running republicans.