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Topics: London, Harry Potter

Saturday, 10 September 2005

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Literature. London - Friday 1st April. Bloomsbury, publishers of the Harry Potter books, have released the title of the next installment in the series about the boy wizard. The publication, which doesn't go on sale until August, will be called "Harry Potter and the Curse of the Student Loan". It will be the 41st story about Harry Potter and follows on from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Feltham - the hugely popular 40th book released last January.


At a press launch this morning JK Rowling, who has just finished the work, revealed details about the next chapter in Potter's life. In it the author claims he will come up his most fearsome foe to date - huge debts which will take him years to pay off. "Having beaten off all manner of nasty monsters at school and served half of a two year sentence at a young offenders' institution for burglary Harry wins a place at Manchester University to read psychology, " revealed Rowling, " unfortunately, due to his aunt & uncle's income he is refused a grant by the government. He is then forced by the evil Volderblair to take out an enormous student loan to pay off his sky-high tuition fees." An advanced preview was then handed out to journalists. In it we learn that Ron Weasley has been injured whilst serving with the SAS in Iraq. The preview also reveals that Hermione's divorce from Malfoy comes through, leaving her free to marry Dumbledore's son.


The Conservatives were quick to praise the book for its "forward thinking in using literature to prepare children for the future". The Tories greeted the announcement with a certain amount of glee, "We're happy with this title," said guardian of decency Anne Widdecombe,"the youths of today need to know that life isn't all about playing Quidditch." Labour were less than impressed, saying that their lawyers were looking into copyright issues. A government spokesman claimed that the new book hinted towards Tony Blair being a "philistine and edcuational sadist" - something he was keen to avoid if at all possible.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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