Written by P.M. Wortham
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Topics: Sex, Internet

Thursday, 10 June 2010

image for Internet Site Guarantees Sex for $9.99
Your Internet Options for Getting Screwed Have Improved

Appearing in full page newspaper ads and internet pop-up advertising this past month, the hype surrounding a new Internet website that supposedly guarantees sex for $9.99 has been tremendous.

While the website services claimed to be available in any country and adjusted for most any currency, the site named GetSomeRealAction.web was only released to the public today, and reportedly flooded with millions of hits in its first hours of operation. "The only trouble is, we got screwed", says Myron Knenoze, 37, from Peoria, Illinois, who still lives with his mother. "I signed the disclaimer page, gave my credit card number and got a short video of two elephants screwing followed by a flashing banner saying You've Just Been Fu<#ed".

Brainchild of Internet jokester Howie Rollem, GetSomeRealAction.web is the third in a line of short lived business ventures designed to make a fast buck. Rollem pioneered rest room internet advertising with small monitors appearing above men's urinals. His favorite part of that technology was the 'Joke of the Day', "Which was always, Look Down, the Joke is in Your Hands".

Rollem also created similar Internet hype 5 years ago, claiming that any web capable device could be turned into a working GPS locator for only $4.99. Customers were shocked to learn that what they received was simply a large letter "X" displayed on their screen with the words, "You Are Here". "Yeah, that was a good one", says Rollem.

Protected legally by signed disclaimers, Rollem knows that going into a venture like this means it only lasts a few days. "We'll see hits on the site persist a while, while previous customers will play the joke on their friends, but after a week or so we're done." When asked about any plans for a next venture, Rollem replied, "I am looking into marketing a home kit to turn any car into a hybrid fueled vehicle. Stay tuned".

Business associates who know Rollem tell me, "That will be a scream. The kit will include a pack of coupons to Taco Bell and a rubber hose that runs from the engine to your butt."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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