With the eviction of Gordon Brown from #10, financial forensic investigators have been looking into the former Treasury Minister's decision to sell off 60% of the realm's bullion at rock bottom prices, costing the country over $2.5B in potential increased value.
Acting against the advice of the Bank of England, the institution in charge of safeguarding the country's gold for over 300 years, Brown started selling off the bullion between 1999-2002. Conditions of the sales, and the buyers, were considered state secrets, and heretofore not revealed. Gold prices at the time were at 20 year lows, and advisors from the Bank of England were told it was not their concern as "Gordon knows best."
Years of unanswered questions started to be cleared up today with the announcement by the Obama Regime that it would start minting a collection of gold coins with likenesses of the President and his family likely to go on sale shortly before the midterm elections.
Through a complex trail of off shore accounts, multiple wire transfers, LLC's registered in obscure potentates and island retreats, investigators have determined that over 98% of the UK gold was 'bought' by a consortium led by International Raider George Soros, and actually purchased with the $4.5B he made on "Black Wednesday" shorting the pound in currency trading.
Apparently the booty has been stored in underground bunkers in Dubai, until recently when former President Bill Clinton, on yet another clandestine mission for the Obama Regime, negotiated a partial sale of the gold to the US Treasury and with a check signed by Tim Geithner, and co-signed by Chinese Minister Hu Nhu, and billionaire Al Gore on behalf of his hedge fund,
"Flatulence Investments, LLC."
According to insiders, Soros and his consortium, consisting of well known friends of his and Obama, achieved a 'substantial' profit, approaching 300%, though most said since their money was in 'blind trusts' they had nothing to do with it.
Geithner, appearing on "Hairball" with Obamamite stalker Chris Matthews, announced that the gold was purchased with 'surplus' stimulus funds so as not to deplete the nation's gold supply, which may or may not reside in the storied facility known as "Fort Knox", which is not named after the infamous Amanda of the same last name recently imprisoned in Italy for "F****around with grievous bodily injury whilst studying for midterms."
Geithner said the coins will go on sale at the end of October 2010, and will only be available on line from "Gov.net.Obama.gold4uhomies"
Geithner said the "First Spouse" coin will feature Michelle Obama working in her garden, and will go on sale for between $1200-1249 and contain 'somewhat less than ounce of gold," according to Geithner.
The 1/4 ounce gold coin will feature the President's two children, each appearing on their own side of the coin, and showing them shopping at Nieman Marcus. Preliminary sale price is set for $250.
The President's image superimposed over the Chicago Trade Tower on one side, and the other showing him in full Zulu battle gear holding his foot down on the throat of a cartoon capitalist, is scheduled for about 2 ounces, and will be sold for $50,000 as only about 1m of the commemorative coins will be produced.
"Of course, "said Geithner, "should future world events intrude, such as the collapse of the European Union, the obliteration of Israel, of if Blago is not sentenced to death in his upcoming Chicago Corruption Trial, the government reserves the right to increase the price accordingly."
On an incidental, and tragic note, people close to Tipper Gore said that when Al found out he was not to be immortallized on his own gold coin, he went over the edge, saying "This is just one chad too many to Endure....I want a divorce so I can go out and F******around like everyone else! Bastards!"
Bill Clinton got 10% 'off the top' for arranging the deal, with proceeds going to his Arkansas library currently undergoing remodeling into a Mosque.