Written by Lance.D.Boyle
Print this
Topics: faith

Wednesday, 28 September 2005

image for God resigns from Faith Inc.
'A small piece of GOD'S work'

In a final gesture of exasperation GOD, C.E.O of Faith Inc has resigned.
After several million years, GOD has had enough.

It is a sad day for the shareholders in Faith, and it seems that it was only yesterday that everyone hoped that GOD would continue to run the company, however after a general meeting of Senior management and devoted shareholders GOD issued a final statement.

All the major players from the Faith Inc companies were there, Jesus, Buddha, Vishnu, Mohammad, Moses, those being the most high profile and recognisable.

After hearing GOD'S final speech I too can relate to the sadness and frustration that GOD has tried to manage all these years.
Most of the senior management of Faith Inc wept openly and it is indeed a sad moment for humanity.
Speaking calmly, almost reverently from the dias in a well modulated, hypnotic voice GOD had this to say:

"Good evening shareholders, ladies and gentlemen.
This evening I stand before you not as man or woman, not of any particular race or denomination but as pure love and light.
It is with deep regret that I relinquish the title of Supreme Being and C.E.O of Faith Incorporated.
Over these past several hundred thousand years since I propagated humanity, vast changes have occurred to the original Company Tenet.

The suggestions that I sent forth with goodwill and in the hands of my most competent representatives, failed to be acted upon, by middle management and their affiliated franchisees, in the spirit in which they were documented.

For their own personal gain those very suggestions were twisted and corrupted until I, the very scribe can now barely recognise them.
Though I believed that the suggestions were true, concise, and fair at the time of their release, now, several thousand years later they are surrounded by fog and speculation.

It is no wonder that you, the shareholders have become confused and frustrated, and so I, as C.E.O must and will take responsibility for this.

First and foremost I would like to apologise to those who have been murdered or set against in ‘God's name', believe me when I say, I , GOD never intended these reproachful actions, and it pains me to my core when I hear those words 'In god's name'.

Secondly, 'The fear of GOD' or ‘Wrath of GOD' ,as I stand before you, this evening, I am not a being to fear …I am Love… I am the Light.
I believe that many in middle management, who wished to terrorize the shareholders, and manipulate them for their own greed augmented these phrases.

It was never meant to be like this.

Upon this celestial body, I placed abundance; everything any of you could ever need is here, it is fresh, it is self-replenishing and it is beautiful, no-one person or entity should own it.
The entire sphere is yours to walk upon.
There were no borders in my original design, just green fertile lands, and a well-stocked ocean.

I deliberately crafted all of the creatures in different sizes and colours.
I was working with a blank palette, I could do anything, these are the shapes and colours I chose.

These were the most joyous days of my existence as Supreme Being and I remember laughing aloud at my giraffe, and my sea horse, and how it took me so long to create the fronds of a fern and the fragrance of a frangipani.

I made a few small boo - boos I forgot to give the ducks voice an echo and the bat clear vision, but in my defence I had a lot on my mind.

All I asked in return was that everyone appreciate my art, once in a while to go out into the fields, the mountains, or on the ocean, look out , breathe the air and shout "Thanks GOD, love your work"
There was never the need to burn up lives and resources, building those places of ‘worship', I guess it kept some dry and busy, but unfortunately it turned the whole idea into a profit seeking venture.
Take the doors off and let those who have no shelter or resources be dry and warm.

In closing I would like to say that I created heaven or nirvana or whatever you wish to call it, it is here, now, this is it!!

Enjoy what I have given you and use it responsibly and it will last for all of your lives and your children's, children's lives, look at everything you do and ask if it will further the beauty of this place and further the wonder of mankind.

I thank you for your time and goodwill and ask that you respect my privacy and that of my C.E.O's and take no photographs."

With those parting words, GOD left the rostrum followed by his representatives, slipping quietly into the cool evening air.

There is a general sadness and feeling of emptiness spreading throughout the world, even at this early stage and I personally believe unless a suitable C.E.O. is found quickly, the result could be catastrophic for all.

Because GOD, leaves extremely large shoes to fill.

Make Lance.D.Boyle's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 4 multiplied by 2?

9 21 4 8
56 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more