Written by Phil Maggitti
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Wednesday, 16 February 2005

image for Michael Jackson Candy Bar Introduced by Godiva Chocolatier
"I think it needs a little more guar gum, Michael."

SANTA MARIA, Calif. - Michael Jackson's recuperation in the children's ward of a California hospital should be sweetened by the news that Godiva Chocolatier is introducing a candy bar inspired by the King of Pop. Called Candy, Little Boy? the white-chocolate confection boasts a creamy nougat center and a blueberry-chocolate latticework on its surface. Available in teen and preteen sizes, Candy, Little Boy? is packaged in white satin embossed with the words "Luv U, Michael" in 14-karat gold filigree.

Rene LeBoeuf, head of research and development at Godiva, described Candy, Little Boy? as "gentle, almost diffident on the tongue, yet exploding with high notes of impish, dancing flavor." According to LeBoeuf, "Children in our test kitchens were unable to resist the charms of this candy."

Jackson, who entered the Marian Medical Center on Tuesday after complaining that the thought of going to court again was "enough to make me sick," greeted the news of the candy bar with childish delight. "Oh goodie," said Jackson in a press release issued by his office yesterday afternoon. "The flavor is so me. I gave some to the other kids on the ward, and they couldn't get enough. I was afraid I would spoil their dinner, so I made them sign a promise not to tell their parents."

Jackson said he is feeling "right at home" at Marian, a Catholic facility. "The priests here have been so understanding and kind. We have the most fascinating discussions. It just goes to show that celebrities are no different from regular people. I can't wait to tell the priests about the candy bar. I know they'll want to give some to their little friends."

Although Jackson expects to be in the hospital "only a few days," he gave hospital administrators the names of more than 400 celebrities he wanted placed on his visitors list. Among those names were Stevie Wonder, Quincy Jones, Kobe Bryant, SpongeBob SquarePants, and Tinky Winky.

In related news, Jackson's close friend psychic Uri Geller defended Jackson's innocence on Larry King Live last night. "If Michael's guilty," said Geller, "then my spoon bending act is a fraud."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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