Written by Vondrook
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Topics: Music, magazines

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

image for SPIN Magazine Folds; Claims It Is Too Cool For Itself

After 25 years on the newsstands, SPIN Magazine has folded due to its overwhelming awesomeness in all things cool.

Since its inception in 1985, SPIN Magazine was immediately recognized for its overt coolness by covering unknown artists at the time, such as Prince and Run-D.M.C. "Yeah, I remember when we were bold," said a friend of SPIN Magazine. "Putting black people on the cover was very cool at the time; nobody else was doing it. Oh, and AIDS. We talked about AIDS, too."

As the magazine circulated wider across the country, SPIN reached a status of "too cool for school" when it 1997, it claimed that the greatest classic rock band of all time was Limp Bizkit. "I don't know who made that decision. I didn't even know Limp Bizkit was a classic rock band, but it was important for SPIN to go against the grain."

The coolness only escalated exponentially from there. SPIN articles that were once supposed to be about musicians slowly became more about the reporters. The most recent incident came from an April 2008 interview with Eddie Vedder, where the reporter starts the article, "So, Eddie (or Ed, as I call him) invites me over to his house for an interview, and I'm like, yeah, I guess…"

"It was the only time where the interviewer became more important than the interviewee. That's pretty fuckin' cool."

Also added to the magazine was a section devoted entirely to high-profile parties that SPIN had attended. In the first few pages of each issue were celebrity photos of SPIN Magazine hob-nobbing on a velvet couch with celebrities. The celebrities could not be identified, however, as SPIN found it more important to take close-ups of itself, thus dominating the camera lens. "This is the section of the magazine that led to its downfall."

This 'downfall' is when SPIN Magazine held a celebrity-laden party for itself, with guests including Puff Daddy, Alicia Keys, Jimmy Page, Michael Stipe, Beyonce, Dave Grohl, and others. There was only problem: SPIN Magazine forgot to invite one important guest: itself.

"That's the clincher. When you are too cool to go to the party you're throwing, you're done for."

Although bosses might wish for it, they simply cannot pull the plug. "It's [SPIN's] coolness is so out of reach, so far beyond comprehension, it can only teach itself humility."

One commentator predicts that the beginning of the end is marked by the price tag of the magazine. "I mean, over $5.00 an issue for this self-serving tripe? Can you afford that shit? I know I can't."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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